Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city.Proverbs 16:32 NIV
Secret anger is dangerous, for it can ‘eat away’ at you, replacing kindness with animosity. You try to keep a lid on it, but inevitably it explodes, surprising (and sometimes devastating) those who thought they knew you so well.
It can come out in schemes, manoeuvres and outright deception. In its worst form it can turn to violence, manifesting itself in physical or sexual abuse, even murder!
The truth is, secret anger hurts most the one who carries it, for it colours your world, embittering you to everything around you. As it percolates, you feel less and less joy, and all your experiences are filtered through the lens of resentment, instead of gratitude. It can hide behind smiles and laughter, yet still be simmering towards the person you eat and sleep with. It can take some event that happened 20 years ago, label it “irreconcilable differences,” and make it the basis for a divorce.
“What’s the answer?” you ask. Two things: (1) Communication. The Prodigal Son’s older brother had been angry for years, but it didn’t surface until his younger brother came back home. (See Luke 15). The father’s response to his older son’s anger was, “If only you’d told me how you felt, and what you needed, I’d have been there for you.” (2) Forgiveness. Listen, “Forgive as the Lord forgave you” (Colossians 3:13 NIV). Forgiveness doesn’t just let the other person off the hook – it lets you off, and allows you to enjoy life again!
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